How to Plan a Funeral

Planning a funeral can seem overwhelming when you are grieving the death of a loved one. There is a lot to think about, but you can always ask for help if you need it. Funerals usually take at least a week, if not more, after the person has died. Many families choose to plan a funeral fairly far in advance to give people plenty of notice to be able to attend. To get started, you’ll need to answer a few questions:

• Did your loved one express their funeral wishes before their death?
• Did they leave any funeral instructions in their Will?
• Did they want to be buried or cremated?
• Did they set aside money for funeral costs, or pay for anything in advance?

Choosing a Funeral Director

Many people choose to have a funeral director to help plan the funeral service. They can make all the necessary arrangements for the day, and offer support and guidance to the bereaved family. Once you’ve decided on a funeral director, you’ll need to start planning with them to create a fitting and honourable funeral service for your loved one. 

You’ll meet with your funeral director to discuss the funeral service. This is called an Arrangement Conference. Essentially, they will go through a checklist of your preferences and to ensure every detail is taken care of. Many funeral directors also offer the choice of having these meetings in your own house, as opposed to their office. This can help you to feel more at ease at this difficult time. 

Find out more about the role of a funeral director here. 

Arranging a Funeral 

It may be you have chosen to arrange the funeral yourself. Or, you may want to feel comfortable knowing the different elements of planning a funeral before you go to a funeral director. Here we have set out a step by step guide of how to plan a funeral to help you arrange this difficult, yet important event.

Choose a type of funeral

Firstly, you need to decide what type of service you would like for your loved one. Funerals can be based around family traditions or religious preferences and can include anything you feel appropriate. There are many different kinds of funerals from traditional burials and cremations to natural burials. Explore your options here to discover which type of funeral service feels most suitable for your loved one. 

Choose a location, date and time for the funeral

A funeral service can be held in any suitable venue. Funeral services are often held in multi-denominational crematorium chapels, or places of worship. But other venues, including woodland burial sites, multi-purpose community spaces and even football grounds are chosen by some people as the perfect place to hold a funeral service. 

You will then need to choose a date for the funeral service. This can often depend on crematoria availability, religious beliefs and family circumstances.

Choose an officiant for the funeral

If you have chosen a religious funeral, this will often be led by a religious official. However, many people chose to have a funeral celebrant officiate at their loved one’s funeral service. A funeral can even be led by a friend or member of the family.

Inform the mourners

It’s unusual to directly invite people to a funeral, although people often post the details of the funeral arrangements on social media. Most people find out about the venue and time through a death notice or obituary. The obituary can include details of whether it is a private service or open to anyone who wishes to pay their respects to attend, as well as dress code and any special requests.

If people are sending flowers ahead of the funeral, the funeral home can arrange to receive these. Some bereaved families politely request that people donate to a charity in memory of their loved one in lieu of flowers. This is something to include when informing mourners of the funeral arrangement. You may also want to set up a memorial page for mourners to contribute to. 

Choose the coffin or urn

Choosing a coffin or cremation urn for your loved one can often help with the bereavement process and is an important part of planning any funeral arrangements. When making your choice, you may want to consider the cost, the materials used, the style and the personality and taste of your loved one.

 Recently, there has been a huge increase in the choices available for coffins. These include:

• Traditional wooden coffins or caskets (for example, oak or pine)
• Cardboard coffins
• Veneered MDF, usually made to look like wood
• Wool coffins or woollen burial shrouds
• Wicker coffins, willow coffins, and coffins made from bamboo, seagrass or banana leaves
• Personalised picture coffins with bespoke designs

You may also want to place personal items in the coffin or casket. Common items to place inside a coffin include photographs, letters or flowers. 

Find out more about choosing a coffin or casket here. 

Organise the funeral transport

On the day of the funeral, the hearse will take the coffin to the funeral service; it is usually followed by limousines which carry family and close friends. Choosing chauffeured limousines will mean you don't have to worry about parking, driving and getting to the service on time. If you wish to make your loved one’s final journey even more personal, choosing an alternative mode of transport which celebrates their life can be a fitting tribute.

You may also arrange a particular route for the funeral procession to take and may need to decide whether it will begin at the home of the person who has passed away, or a different location. 

Find out more about funeral transport here. 

Create an order of service

You may like to provide an order of service pamphlet. These are helpful for mourners and can be sent to people who can’t make the service. An order of service sheet may include:

• Hymns
• Songs
• Poems
• Readings
• Photographs

You can even tailor the order of service in the way you and your family prefer, helping to create a unique commemoration of your loved one's life. You could also place small attendance cards on the seats for mourners to fill in so you know who was there.

If you are planning a religious funeral, you may be aware that some religions have guidelines for the order of service. Some more devout religious branches may require certain prayers or ceremonies to be included in the order of service.

Choose music for the funeral

Organising music to be played is often considered a key part of a funeral order of service. These days, the music included in the service is used to reflect the personality of the person who has passed away. 

If the funeral is taking place in a church or place of worship, there may be some restrictions on what music can be played. This may depend on how strict that particular religious branch may be.

It’s usual to have a piece of music played as the coffin is carried into the venue when the service is being held, and a different piece of music as the coffin is carried out. Songs or hymns may also be played during the service, with people encouraged to sing along.

For inspiration on what music you could have at your loved one’s funeral, click here. 

Choose reading for the funeral

Incorporating readings and poems into the order of service for the funeral you are planning may allow friends and family members to play a part. These readings are usually relatively short. They often convey thoughts about life, death and loss, or may be chosen for the special meaning associated with the person who has died. For religious funerals, readings may be taken from religious scripture and may include one or more prayers. 

Explore our suggestions for funeral readings, poetry and religious passages.

Write a eulogy

The eulogy is a speech given at a funeral honouring the life of the person who has died. While a religious minister or celebrant will address mourners with words about them, personal eulogies are also usually written and given by a close friend or family member.

There are many different kinds of eulogy. The tone and style can depend on the personality of the person who died, and the personality of the person giving the speech. If you are deciding who should give the eulogy at your loved one’s funeral, consider who knew them well. 

For advice on how to write an eulogy, click here.

Plan the funeral reception

Most funeral services conclude with a reception or wake after the ceremony. If the person who has died is being buried, it may be close family and very close family members only who attend the graveside committal, while other mourners and sympathisers await them at the funeral reception venue. 

Organising a wake or funeral reception after the service will allow friends and family to gather and remember a loved one in a more relaxed and less formal environment. Hotels, leisure centres, community centres, gardens, pubs and even football grounds can be booked as funeral reception venues, while other families choose to host people at home.

For information on how to plan a celebration of life service, click here.